thinking many tots nw..cos i juz realised tt perhaps i've neglected my frens..i mean, ya, i do meet them..but most of the time, i dun really tink of them..i'm guilty of this,really..n i am sad tt i have become lidat..when all along my frens have been there for mi, have i been there for them? :( do they noe i'm here for them? i noe some of them think tt it's better nt to disturb mi, since i'm attached n perhaps busy doing other stuff..but i wld really wan them to noe tt i'll alwaes haf the time for them, no matter wad. cos they're my frens..n frens are for life. they've been there for mi, i wanna be there for them too.. the time when weeinn called mi late at nite, i was happy to be there for her, though it was juz talking,but she said it cheered her up.. y cldnt i do such a simple act often? becoming selfish ar? haiz.

the common tests seem to weigh evryone down n making them blue, n seeing them stressed n falling sick makes mi feel tt life isnt alwaes wad we expect it to be.. 18- it seems to be the perfect age for leading an independent carefree life..but the fact is, for the past 12 yrs, we've done nth but study. n the tot gets mi down. the crap abt getting a better job once armed wif a degree, it irks mi. first the education system aims to mould us into students wif gd academic results, n now halfwae thru MY education yrs, they sae they wan ppl hu are creative, when in the first half of my education, they juz wanted results. ironic ya? n how do they expect us to perform? haha..perhaps it's juz mi, hu's unable to adapt..but the tot of gg into the working society, even university, scares mi. i dunno wad i wan in life anymore..i guess i nv did.

my mom asked mi, wad wld she hafta do to get the family to go out happily, n come hm happily. usually we wld go out reluctantly, n come hm wif black faces, heading straight for our rms.. haiz. i'm guilty of nt putting myself in her shoes. she juz wanna catch more time wif her children, both hu are growing up fast, n increasingly having a mind of their own.. soon i'll be off to uni, n my bro to poly,n after tt ns..the chances of us sitting down n having dinner seems to be getting smaller, n yet i get fed up when she insists on doing stuff together.i'm nt a gd daughter,i make my parents worry too much, n i make them angry n hurt when i throw my tantrums. i dunno hw to communicate wif them, it seems tt they are trying to reach out to mi, but i'm nt responding.n now tt they are trying to let mi be, in the hope of getting mi to share my problems wif them, i'm retreating further into my own space. i haf a feeling this scenario is gonna be hard to change, but i cant help it.

perhaps i'm stifled by sch, by the weather, so i selfishly try to push my unhappiness to them, cos i noe tt after all, we're still family, n they'll stil be there.

i'm selfish. currently reflecting.

sorry to all tt i've hurt unknowingly, i'll try to be a better person, pls forgive mi.

n to those hu are currently facing the last wk of hols b4 the dreaded june common tests, dun despair, dun gif up.. it'll be over soon, pls gif it ur best shot.. =) n i'm here if u nid mi..i promise i will.